(Another) Computer Scam

You're relaxing at home, when the phone rings. You answer, and the person at the other end says that he's from Global Tech Support, the company that Microsoft uses for customer service. You're suspicious, so you do a fast internet search, or go straight to Microsoft's site, and find out that they are, in fact, the company that Microsoft uses.

Unfortunately, they are not THE Global Technical Support that is a legitimate company. You were called by hackers from over seas, that are trying to trick you into installing some very bad software onto your system.

How did they get your information? They know your name, your home number, and that you are using Windows. So how did they get your information? You probably gave it to them, directly or indirectly, when you filled out something online. The real question is, what SHOULD you do about it?

If you haven't given them access to your computer, you're probably fine. If you did, there are a few lawsuits going on right now, at least in the U.S. However, these suits never do any real good. As anyone that's ever downloaded a movie or MP3 knows, there's always ways to avoid legalities if you're caught, especially if the scammers are over seas.

According to Microsoft's website, the  only thing that you can do if you gave them access is to reinstall Windows, and all of your programs. Hours of time and effort down the drain. And if you can't find the access keys to something that you purchased a digital copy of, good luck getting another one for free.

Fortunately, this has not happened to me. It has, however, happened to my aunt. Thankfully, she doesn't answer the phone anymore, so she never had the conversation with these hackers. I, however, love to talk to them. I once read an interview with Kieth Giffen, and he had a great idea. Keep salespeople on the line for as long as you can. It keeps them from making money or bothering other people. If you can, try to turn it into a sex call.

The first thing that I like to do is tell the person that I don't use Windows. I tell them I use Linux, Tiger, or just make up a name. This automatically lets you know that they are not on the level with you, since they will insist that you are using Windows. Then I ask them what version I am using. They will go to great lengths not to admit that they don't know.

After this gets boring, I do my best to piss off the person. My best attempt resulted in almost five whole minutes of the guy saying "fuck you" over and over. By the end, he was screaming it so loud that his supervisor finally had to cut him off, mid-fuck. This was one of the times I tried to turn it into a sex chat. I guess it worked, now that I think about it.

I've also tried to make up fake technical babble. I'll tell them I have a Master's or PhD in computers, and start inventing things on the spot. My flange-belled simulator is connected through my interior flummox, which generally reduces 95% or all courier spam, if preceded by systematic spreel." It's amazinghow often they agree, as if you said anything coherent.

The last time they called, DESPITE THE LAWSUIT, I just pretended that I called Microsoft on my cell phone while I was talking to him. The guy was certainly willing to call my bluff. No matter how many times I told him Microsoft was telling me he was lying to me, he kept on talking. I finally told him I was going to put him in a conference call with Microsoft's lawyer, as soon as their contact at the F.C.C. was notified. That finally got him to hang up.

So remember, IF a company is legit, they won't ask for control of your computer. They will NOT ask for your pass word. They will not call you. YOU WOULD CALL THEM. So please, annoy them. It can be a lot of fun listening to these liars swear at you, as long as you're trying to get them to do that. You're also doing your civic duty. Remember, the less people they call, the less chances they have of stealing from an innocent idiot... I mean, computer user.

For more information, c/net has been covering this for at least two years now. That's when the F.C.C. "stopped" the scam. The link is:
http://www.cnet.com/news/regulators-shut-down-global-pc-tech-support-scam/

A link to Microsoft's site, giving advice on what you should do if you were hacked:
http://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/windows_xp-security/global-tech-scam-i-allowed-scammers-access-to-my/c51d4575-86a5-4d31-aa6c-8a8771c6ba40?auth=1

For more information about the creator of Ambush Bug, and co-creator of Rocket Racoon:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keith_Giffen

Is it weird that I have a picture of him tattooed on my eardrum?